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What Bendrix Read

from Goodbye Stranger by Alanna Boudreau

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about

inspired by Graham Greene's novel The End of the Affair.

lyrics

I know some tricks, he's good at trade
Isn't it strange how pedantic what we call romantic?
I make him feel strong, he makes me feel seen
What do we owe to the ether? What are we but creatures?

He thinks I'm a fraud, suspects I'm a cheat
He wants me guilty: but he wants me!
And then you starts to haunt me.

I don't know how to love a man a little.
I don't know how to make my feelings small.
If I loved him once, that love remains a riddle
Because I don't know how to love a man a little.

I thought he was dead, under the door
And I believed in the Other; the Squandering Lover
I crouched on the floor, beside the bed
And for the first time, I trusted
It was the last day I lusted...

But he was alive: how I wished he were dead!
Then he'd be safe from my crushing,
dispirited touching.

I don't know how to love a man a little.
I don't know how to make my feelings small.
If I loved him once, that love remains a riddle
Because I don't know how to love a man a little.

I wanted them all, I wanted them each
Every man’s eye upon me - then you pressed in on me.
If you are love, if you are good, teach me to behave as I should,
Hang me to bleed on the dry wood.

What shall I say? What can I do?
All that I am is known by You
Grant him my peace, please, would You.

Bridge: I cannot love just a vapor.
You do not love only saints. x2

credits

from Goodbye Stranger, released May 12, 2018

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Alanna Boudreau Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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